I just compiled a list (if you can even call it that) of future events and happenings in hopes of them becoming a source of motivation for me. Imagine my utter disappointment at the fact that I couldn't go any further with the so-called list after five or so items. I mentioned a few things, such as Thanksgiving weekend, senior banquet, winter break, college acceptances, and last but definitely not least, graduation. See, I wanted the list as written proof that there are indeed things that I can look forward to. Motivation is something that is surely lacking these days. I need the will power to push myself to achieve whatever it is I want to achieve.

Funny how there's nothing I can fall back on like I used to. I always had some sort of backup or alternative plan that would suffice for the time being. I don't have that anymore, and that's what kills me.

It is somewhat of a relief to me that not as many people come here anymore besides a select (cool) few. Heh. I don't feel as though I'm writing for an audience, which is something that I sort of mentioned in my entry below. Maybe that's why I'm not so hesitant to update these days, because I don't have to worry about people forming distorted perceptions of me in their minds. I like keeping things on the down low instead of the world knowing about everything there is to know about me. Even in person I'm of the reserved type. I'm the type of person that stays in her corner and observes more than participates. I'm an introvert, I guess.

I was about to go further with where I was getting at above with the backup plan thing, but then I kind of stopped. I didn't know whether it would be right to elaborate. I guess I'll get to it some other time. For now, I must go complete my reading for AP Euro. Fun.