Sent out four of my college applications yesterday. A few more to go. Pray for me, guys. I picked biology as my major. Why oh why did I do that? I don't know. I mean, I like science and all, and I actually would like my future career to be related to science, but I'm not completely sure about it. Will I be able to bear four or more years of studying hardcore science? Not sure. I know, I know, I need to be more firm, but how can I be if I'm not sure myself? I guess what I'm looking for is security. Four years down the road, I don't want to be completely lost as to what I want to do with my life. I want to be aware of the direction in which I am heading. I simply don't want to regret anything.

I'm so glad my computer problems are fixed. I had been working using safe mode since July (yeah, it got unbearable, lol) and it turned out my monitor wasn't compatible with the new hard drive. So, my dad went out last Sunday and bought a new monitor! Now I can actually print, download, actually use my speakers, etc. It's awesome. I was feeling so deprived for the past few months. It made everything a heck of a lot easier since now I can actually use this computer for school and college application work, now that I can print and all.

Going to the New York mosque today. Will be seeing everyone, insha'Allah. Looking forward to that.

I'm still being a slacker. Funny how I know I'm doing wrong, but I'm doing nothing to correct it. I need motivation or something. I feel so incomplete, as if a part of me has went into hibernation. Frankly, it isn't showing any sign of coming back. I don't know what it is that's disappeared, but it's bugging the heck out of me.

I really need to stop slacking off. I feel like I'm not making use of Ramadan the way I should. It's not guaranteed that I'll live until the next Ramadan, so why I'm not making any significant effort is beyond my comprehension. I can't understand myself. I don't think I ever will.

Listening to nasheeds is so relaxing. I always feel better afterwards. The nasheeds I'm playing at the moment are the same ones that always played in my cousin's car. I just never asked him where I can find them, although I loved them. Today, as I was picking random nasheeds from a list online, I found those nasheeds! Imagine my excitement. Haha, just thought I'd share.

Hmm, don't really have much to say today. Just felt like updating.

You know, I try so hard to be objective when giving people dawah about Islam. I try and try to my utmost potential not to let my personal bias seep in, but half the time, it ends up happening anyway. Like, hijab for instance. When people question me about the meaning of it, they follow with another inquiry about whether or not it was my choice. Of course, I always say it's my choice and I did it out of my own free will, but is it necessary for me to say that? I think I make it sound as if it's not actually required. Obviously that's not my intention, but at times I may give the wrong message. It's a horrible feeling because I may be the only person in their life that ever had the chance to 'enlighten' them about the teachings of Islam. What if I messed up somehow? What if what I said was not taken the way it was meant to be taken? In no way do I ever purposely sugarcoat matters, because that's one of the things that people do that gets on my nerves. Why distort the actuality of an Islamic matter simply to get the approval of an individual? Lying is not the way to attract people to accept the message of Islam. Sometimes I wonder whether my responses to peoples' questions are just as bad.

Ramadan Mubarak to everyone! Hopefully yours is going as well as mine is, alhamdulillah :) I love the fact that during this month, my imaan usually is sky high and I feel like an overall better Muslim. Unfortunately, it's really only during this month that I feel like an actual, practicing Muslim. What I'm hoping to do is become as good as I can be during this month, and unlike other years, stay on that path until next Ramadan. I *think* it's a moderately realistic goal. Or maybe not. Blah. Khair, whatever happens, happens. I'm going to at least try, insha'Allah.

Life is okay. I mean, sure this time of the year's kind of hectic considering I'm usually trying to get the bulk of my school work finished, and on top of that, getting my college applications and essays completed and sent away. Thing is, I still haven't sent in any. I mean, it's a bit early anyway, so I shouldn't worry TOO much, but an uncomfortable feeling has been in the back of my mind for a while. Although I must admit it's actually benefitting me since it pushes me to get stuff done that needs to be done. As soon as I recieve my college acceptances, I'll be the happiest person on earth. I'm looking forward to that more than anything in the world!

I'm absolutely starving! Haha, I'm so horrible for complaining, but that's how I feel at the moment, lol. Fasting usually is easy for me, since I have a small appetite anyway, but for some reason, I feel as if I'm going to pass out. Only three and a half hours to go. Somewhere around that, at least. I'm totally out of it. In anatomy class, a girl from my study group asked me why exactly I wear hijab. I couldn't even articulate my sentences! Do you ever have those moments where you completely blank out and have NO idea what you're saying? I mean, I know why I wear it, obviously, but the words were simply not coming out the way they should. It's like my brain froze or something. I don't know if it had to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten or whatever. Eh. I did give her a decent answer, thankfully. She started asking other questions, too, and it made me happy to answer. I mean, it's good dawah, huh?