We got back home on Monday and I must say chilling in Lake George was great. I just didn't feel like blogging until now, and even now I'm kind of iffy about it. My memory goes in sleep mode during the summer which results in me not being able to recall much at all, as wierd as that is considering how recents things are. Also, it doesn't help that I for some odd reason, at the moment can't seem to articulate my thoughts in coherent sentences. A part of my feeling this way has to do with the fact that I was looking at the "Cute Proposals" thread on Islamica, haha. I want someone to sweep me off my feet and make me melt :blush: Okay, don't laugh at me because I'm a hopeless romantic! I can't help it, right? I don't know, the posts in the thread made me smile like an idiot. I'm going to quickly change the blog entry back to its original topic before I make a fool of myself, but I'm afraid it's a little too late for that. Sigh.

Hmm, well, I guess I'll attempt to highlight some of the weekend. On Saturday, believe it or not, my family went to go see a rodeo! Yeah, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing, and I didn't think I'd like it too much, but it was actually cool to watch.

Every time we go to Lake George, it's an unwritten rule that we must go horseback riding, but this time proved to be an exception because we didn't, although we did go to this ranch type of place with a petting zoo and everything. See, my thirteen year old brother is absolutely obsessed with animals, and my parents always keep this interest of his in mind when planning family activities and such. Anyway, so that would explain for the rodeo and horseback riding, hehe. I can't say I don't enjoy horseback riding, because I do, and I was looking forward to it. On Sunday, my brother and I went go cart racing. Ahh, I love it! I've only been go cart racing once before and fell in love the first time. Yeah.

Hmm, I'm trying to remember more and although the three days were packed with events, I just can't seem to process everything! I'm so strange. I guess I'm not that great with describing family vacation thingies.

Anywho, today was busy, busy, busy. I woke up late and realized there were only a few hours remaining until my dentist appointment. Yeah, so I hurriedly got things done that needed to be done and then I was off to my appointment, which took quite some time since my dad had one as well, and I needed to sit through his, of course. Anyway, when I returned home, I started on my SAT homework and that took a while, too. Afterwards, I went to the SAT class and three and a half hours later, I was home. It was nine thirty, blah. Not a very fun day. So now, here I am, sitting at my computer and typing up the worst blog entry ever, with a part of me somewhere far away. Where? I don't know.

I'll be going to Lake George with my family this weekend, as I had mentioned in my angry entry a few below, lol. It's this place in New York by the shore with lots of recreational stuff to do, such as amusement parks, cruises, hiking, shopping, horseback riding, etc. I suppose it's a fun place, but I'm not really in the mood to go. I guess because there's so much that needs to be done at home that I can't even see myself being able to enjoy it while I'm there. I'll have that constant nagging feeling inside of me, annoying me to the point where I can't enjoy myself. There's loads of summer homework left for me to do, and not to mention college stuff. Although a month still remains until school opens, I still feel as if time is running out and I need to finish everything right here and right now. It's wierd. I'll have to live with that feeling. Is it just me or do only New Jersey schools assign ridiculously time consuming summer assignments and readings?

Anyway, classes are going fine, alhamdulillah. The three and a half hours don't seem tediously long, so thank God for that or else I would have died from the boredom. The instructor keeps things interesting and takes a creative approach towards teaching material. It's cool, but I'd still rather be at home, doing whatever it is I do on weekday nights.

Okay, I've been typing up this entry for the past like hour, so I'm going to go now. Lousy entry, yes, but whatever. I just wanted to say I'd back on Tuesday. Oh, and I installed a new commenting system (HaloScan) so all old comments have unfortunetely, been discarded. Sad, sad, but I'll live.

There's been some leaving-the-net-for-good business these days. It makes me sad. Although I've never met these people in my life, I still feel like I know them personally. I guess I shouldn't get attached to people like I do, but really, can you control something like that? I highly doubt so. Well, I guess we just need to move on and put things in the past.

On a message board, someone had made a thread asking about how we came to Islam and it really had me thinking about my own life and what my circumstances were. I'll write what I wrote there, but add a little bit more. It was last year that I became genuinely interested in Islam, and it happened sort of accidently, really. I mean, I was born Muslim but often times I took Islam for granted and didn't take the time to understand it. It didn't have any significant meaning in my life, and to me was almost equivalent to my cultural identity. I was always a good girl, but kind of fluky when it came to came to Islam and didn't care to improve myself as a Muslim.

They say the net's good for nothing, but for me personally, it's played a big role in Islam becoming a part of my life. I stumbled across some website about Islam and soon I began visiting it every single day in hopes of reading the new articles that were posted. At first I didn't admit to myself what was happening, but I realized that religion started to make sense to me and became of relevance. Soon enough I became extremely interested in religion. I found a few Islamic forums and just by reading what people said, became inspired and whatnot. I began praying, reading the Qu'ran, observing hijab, etc. My parents were surprised as heck, but of course, I still have a long, long way to go. The journey never ends, right?

I was more than upset when I wrote my last entry. When I read it again, I began to think about the reasons that justified my feeling that way, and I came up with plenty. No use in listing them, because it'll only make me more angry. But in any case, I have gotten over it and life is going on, alhamdulillah. I guess I tend to overreact sometimes, and that's why I've been attempting to practice the art of self-restraint for the past week or so. Judging from my last entry, you can guess how it's been going, huh? Then again, I have this blog as a sort of therapy for myself, and where else would I go to let out how I feel? As long as I don't have a fit in front of anyone, I think it's okay to vent.

I have a long way to go, and the journey will be difficult and strenuous, but I know in the end it's only myself and the others around me that I'll benefit. I have anger issues that need to be resolved. I have more of a silent kind of anger, not the kind of anger where I hurdle things across the room or (astagfirullah) cut myself out of frustration and pain. However, although it is internal anger, it can be just as painful as physical affliction upon myself. Things get to me that I shouldn't let get to me, no matter how hurtful they are. Why I act this way is something I haven't ever recieved the answer to, but I know I have to stop myself. Man, is this goal hard, but nevertheless, attainable. I know I can certainly change myself because I've done it before and I can do it again if I give it my all.

You know, I've become so fed up with my life that it's gotten to the point where I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning because there's absolutely nothing at all for me to look forward to. I can't help feeling this way, and today just added on to the big heap of things that screw up my life. I was looking forward to today's youth group meeting all week long, counting down since last Sunday, and it turns out that my dad's not going to take me because he has other, apparently more important, things to do. He has other priorities. Oh, and I can't go next week either because my dad planned for us to go to Lake George, as if we haven't went there enough. It's a total bore of a place, and I really don't want to go there. Anyway, he knows that these weekly youth group meetings mean a lot to me, considering I never, ever get the chance to talk to Muslim people around my age, or any age for that matter. Only once a while, and even that is rare. I have no Muslim friends. When these youth group meetings started up, I was excited that for once my parents had no objections to taking my brother and I to New York just to spend time with our Muslim brothers and sisters. I really felt as if I belonged there, and that no other setting could substitute it. My imaan had taken a leap and I could just feel the difference inside of myself, and it felt good. Better than anything else I've felt. Even that has now been taken away. He suggested I go to the mall instead, as if he didn't know that I hate the mall. My dad always does this. He lets us participate in something and then makes us withdraw from it, and the fact that this little something was what strengthened my imaan holds no value to him. He really couldn't care less.