I'd like to start off by saying congratulations on the Birth of Jesus (pbuh). Hmm, according to the Gregorian calendar at least.

It's strange, but sometimes I feel as if, I don't know...as if the people close to me don't make Islam their priority like it should be. For example, if I tell them that something they're doing is negative, they'd tell me to stop being such a "party pooper" and to enjoy life because it doesn't last. I firmly believe that I'm not being anal. When I stress to them that this life's pleasures that they lean towards so protectively are temporary and the Hereafter is ultimately what we live for, they look down on me once again. They go on about how they do try their best, and that they're good Muslims. Selecting and following what is only convenient to you isn't sufficient enough, and neither is believing that you're simply a good Muslim. What exactly is a "good" Muslim anyway? It's unbelievably discouraging, and I start to lose faith in them although I probably shouldn't because in the end, Allah (SWT) will judge them.

The other day, I started discussing niqaab with a certain someone and how she'd react if I started. I don't believe I'm seriously going to start any time soon, but I was interested in talking about it since I wanted to hear her take on it. Although I wasn't expecting her to wholeheartedly encourage me, she went on about how it's ridiculously "extreme" and completely unnecessary, much to my dismay. I remembered how this was the same person who used to nag me about going to pray, and now it's me who encourages her to go pray. It's strange. I guess people just change and I feel helpless around them because there's almost nothing more that I can do to make a difference.

There was another instance and although it is kind of irrelevant to what I'm talking about, it had me thinking. I was talking to a cousin of mine and he mentioned that he usually avoids to pray or read the Qu'ran. I asked him why he felt that way and his response was that he has screwed up countless times in the past and that praying or reading the Qu'ran will simply remind him of the consequences. People tend to forget and go on sinning with the belief that it's useless to stop and ask for forgiveness. They believe that there's no way whatsoever that they can be forgiven. I stated to him that even if he has committed a thousand sins, if he truly repents with his heart and compensates for it, Allah (SWT) will surely forgive him by erasing his previous sins forever and letting him start from scratch. Hence this verse, "O My slaves who have wronged their souls, do not despair of Allah's mercy, for Allah will forgive all the sins. He is indeed very Forgiving, very Compassionate, Turn to Him then, and obey Him (in all your affairs)." (Al-Zumar:53,54)

In school, I don't have any Muslim friends whatsoever. I can't exactly blame myself considering my school's Muslim population is sadly non existent. Maybe an acquaintance, but I believe that that is all she'll ever be to me, an acquaintance. I'm not saying that my non-Muslim friends are of no importance to me, because they definitely are. They're amazing people who have shaped who I am as a person. Outside of school are my family, relatives, and only a few friends from my masjid. Nevertheless, no one from the people around me has actually influenced me in an Islamic way, if you know what I mean. I can honestly say that the people that I know online (yes, I'm talking about you, the Blogistanis!) have made the greatest impact on me by constantly inspiring and motivating me to do more. I'm anticipating college because I know the Muslim population there will not be scarce. Insha'Allah, I hope to meet people who have a positive influence on my iman.

I had typed this entry up early yesterday but I didn't want to post it just then. I figure I will now although I know I went off on a lot of tangents throughout my entry, heh. My mom's brownies are calling to me at the moment. Ciao, all!

Ahh, break has officially begun! Twelve whole days of pure freedom. My friends and I had originally planned to go celebrate and eat out for dinner but I decided that I'd rather not. I don't know, I just don't feel like going for some odd reason. I hate how I feel so inactive and dormant lately. Scratch that...not lately, but for as long as what seems the past couple of months. It's strange but I guess I'll have to push myself to spend a little more time with my friends and "socialize" a bit more than I usually do.

This Friday is my cousin's one year wedding anniversary party at a restaurant in New York City so I'm really looking forward to that. It'll be awesome seeing all my family together considering that the last time I had a chance to see everyone was on Eid, which was nearly a month ago. Whoah, that day seems like it was months ago. Hmm, and next week we'll be going down to Virginia to stay at my dad's aunt's house for a few days. We were there back in March and I had a blast, so it should be fun.

Hmm, some things have been kind of irritating me lately. It's frustating that my friends and I nearly always talk about the most trivial of things. We almost never engage in deep or meaningful conversations. It's sad because I have so much that I'd love to talk about and discuss but never get a chance to actually do so because my friends are never interested to say the least. It's not that I don't make the initiative, because I do. I guess not everyone will have the oppurtunity to possess friends that they can talk to about anything and everything. There's tons that I keep bottled up inside that I'd probably never disclose to anyone, which is extremely nervewracking.

Yesterday, I was talking to three of my friends and somehow, something that had occured two years ago was brought up. I won't explain the situation because it's long and hard to really describe, but it was something that completely effected the level of trust that I had had in my three friends. To this day, I find it hard to fathom that they did what they had did, and to be reminded about it again yesterday was just too much. Funny thing is, I never had a chance to honestly confront my friends about it. Well, I did confront them but I didn't make it a point to let them know that it had in fact, hurt the trust that I had for them and along with that, our friendships. Heh, this was two years ago. Well, since it was brought up yesterday by someone other than me, I stressed how low it was of them. My friend blurted out, "well, what was it to you?" Haha, what was it to me? Oh man, don't even get me started. I started telling her about how manipulative it was of them but my third friend stepped in and told us that since it was two years ago, we should just forget about it and move on. I know that she's absolutely right, but I'm not the one who brought it up and delved into it. When I'm told that something so unimaginably wrong was nothing of importance to me, I'm obviously going to say something in my defense rather than sit there like a log. Eh well, whatever. I just had to vent because no one that I know in person would want to hear me talk about it. Thanks guys.